"The other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved..." When I first read this a long time ago, it always struck me as weird thing that John would refer to himself as "the one whom Jesus loved." To me it sounded a little bit arrogant—like a self-proclaiming of superiority or of being Jesus' favorite. However, when I read it now, I long to be just like him. Here's why: he got it. John understood that he was loved by Jesus. He was not saying that Jesus didn't love the other disciples. He wasn't even stating that he was Jesus' favorite. Rather, he had just come to the point of knowing and accepting the fact that he was loved by Jesus.
Do you struggle with this? Do you still live in the "try harder to be loved more" world of religion? For so long I lived my life and walked my walk with Christ in a way to prove to him that I was worthy of his love. I lived in such a way to show him that I could be loved by him. The truth of the matter was that during that time, I didn't truly believe that Jesus loved me based upon himself, but rather on my conduct of the day.
And then about 10 years ago Jesus ambushed me with his grace and revealed this truth to me: there is nothing I can do to make God love me any more; there's nothing that I can do make God love me any less. I am loved by Jesus. Freedom was introduced as grace broke the chains of religion and legalism. I cannot say that I don't still struggle with this truth, because I know how often I fail Jesus. However, during those times of doubt, it is necessary for me to go back to the truth of what Scripture says to me rather than the unreliability of my emotions.
Rest in the truth that you are the beloved of God. You are loved. Period. Enjoy that.
You know, something like that dawned on me last night while singing "Oh how he loves us". I felt a warm embrace and a guilty feeling of me feeling good instead of worshiping Him. While reading your post tonight, I realize He was actually letting me know his love for me. I have had a worthiness struggle this whole week in dealing with myself in self examination. How much do I have to do to be worthy of being his followerand leading others to Him? duh! If I follow in faith and thruth, not much I can or have to do but follow and obey His will. Why are we so darn complicated when he offers us simple and pure love with no strings attached. Thanks for your posting 'cause I have cleared some clouds from my mind and my heart tonight... and that means couple of minutes of more sleep! /-)
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