Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm In A Funk

I'm in a funk.  And honestly - it sucks.  This morning I got up early to spend time in God's word.  I read through my "scheduled" reading for today (which honestly, has helped me so much in staying true to being in God's word on a regular basis).  At the end, nothing.  I long to experience God's presence.  An absence of that is discouraging.  And yet, as I type this I am caught with this thought: my goal is to follow and obey Christ, no matter what the experience.

I heard this statement a long time ago during a quiet time: "Sometimes God will take away the emotion to make sure that you'll be obedient."  I'm exhausted.  I'm still not sleeping well.  The responsibilities that I am facing right now are many (which I'm sure so many of you can relate with).  I understand that right now I am in a season, one of which will have an end at some point.  The only thing: I don't like what it is doing in my intimacy with Jesus.

The main point for this morning in writing this blog: to be honest.  I've made a commitment to be real in my blogs, thoughts, tweets, etc... I'm tired of seeing posts written by followers of Christ who constantly portray how great everything is, yet remaining silent in their blog when times of discouragement and doubt creep in.  All the while so many others wonder if they are the only ones struggling through things.  I'm in a funk.  I don't like it.  But one thing I've learned through times like this: remain obedient.  Be faithful.  As I remain obedient, regardless of emotional stimuli, God will bless me with the awareness of his presence that I so long to experience in his perfect time.

So, no matter what you're feeling, be faithful.  Remain faithful.  Be obedient.  We were called to Christ, not just an emotion that comes with following Christ.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible, I may attain the resurrection from the dead." — Philippians 3:7-11

This is the passage that came to mind as I was typing the stuff above.  I want to know Christ.  I want to know him in every way possible.  So I wonder if there is a necessity in the process of knowing Christ more deeply that I must experience what it's like to feel like he's not close by.  In that time of "distance", I must press on to remain obedient, as that is what one's pupil will do no matter where his teacher may be.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I PRESS ON to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.  Brothers, I do no consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I PRESS ON toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 3:12-14

I feel like I'm in the midst of a lot of rambling.  I hope you don't mind my thinking out loud.  But honestly: this time of rambling has helped me get focused on what I want: Christ.  I want him.  I want everything about him.  I'm so thankful for times in the funk because they reveal the new heart's desires that Jesus has given to me.  Those desires of my new heart: my Savior.

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